pointeboots2000
FFE author/artist <p><br/><img src=http://www.hyperboards.com/images/Star-Blue.gif> Member is offline Yummy!
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Posted: May 4th, 2004 at 07:57 pm
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there used to be a site called Godawful Fanfic. you guys have probably heard of it. it's disappeared now, it went offline, but i have an example of what is considered by most on the web to be the worst piece of fanfic ever written. you may have heard of it, its rather infamous. its a LotR piece called 'Legolas'. i unfortunately - or fortunately depending on your point of view - do not have the whole piece. what i have is the godawful review of it, which is hilarious in itself.
well, enough babble, here it is, in all its 'splendor'. :P
Following is Godawful's review of "Legolas" by Laura:
I was assigned to review this story and then I started reading it and then I rolled my eyes at the whole found-baby/Mary Sue cliché when Legolas found the abandoned girl in the woods and took her home and named her Laura and and then I got to the first bit of dialogue and when I regained consciousness it was three weeks later and then I cried hard, white-hot tears like bullets.
Legolas got up and went into Laura's room and said"good moring"and then Laura said "good moring too".Then Legolas said"whats a matter"and then Laura said"Legolas I want to know how to ride a horse".Then Legolas said"Ok"and then Legolas said"first you get dresses and have something to eat and then we will go for a horse ride lesson".Mean while Strider and Gandalf was rideing towards where Legolas lived and then Strider said"Gandalf I did not know Legolas had a sister"and then Gandalf said"I did not know aswell".Mean While at Mondor the dark lord was planing to kidnap the princess but not Legolas.Then the boss of the Orcs came and said"I'll get her for you sir"and then the Dark lord said"yes you can".
Then everything was all right for a little while as long as I blocked out the horrific spelling and grammar and ignored the total lack of periods and basically just stuck my fingers in my eyes and sang LA-LA-LA really loudly and pretended this whole sorry episode in my life was happening to someone else and then I got to the gratuitous rape scene and then I went on a tri-state killing spree and then I regained consciousness again but this time I was in a padded room with a security camera in the corner and there was blood under my nails and the taste of bile in my mouth and then I started screaming until the lining of my throat blistered and peeled off and then someone called a burly nurse.
Mean while Laura was sitting on the floor and then the door opened and it was some Orcs and the Orcs tied Laura with some chains and then one of the Orcs striped her and then he raped her and then Laura said"go away you bastard".Then another Orc came with a whip and whiped her hard and then the Orcs all togeter bet her almost to death and then the Dark Lord came in with a tube of Posion and then he injeted into Laura.
And then after a few weeks of shock treatment and being doused with a fire hose every hour on the hour I was granted computer privileges again and then I tried to finish the story and then I finally made it to the end where Gandalf and Strider fight Orcs and Frodo and the rest of the Hobbits suddenly show up for no explained reason and then Legolas saves his adopted daughter/sister and takes her back to Rivendell to cure her and they bond.
They were at Rivendell and Legolas stayed at Laura's side everyday intill she wakes up and then Legolas kissed Laura on her lips and then she moved her arms around Legolas and then Legolas said"all you alright"and then Laura said"yes I am".Legolas said"I am soo happy"and then Laura said"Do you want to be my boyfriend"and then Legolas said"yes I will be your boyfriend"and then Laura and Legolas kissed again.
And then I gouged out my own eyes and ate them.
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English doesn't borrow from other languages. It follows them down dark alleyways and mugs them for loose grammar.
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Posted: May 5th, 2004 at 12:49 am
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Does this person understand the concept of verb tenses?
No. They do not.
Does this person understand the concept of run on sentances?
No. They do not.
Does this person understand plot holes/spelling?
Judging by this sentance: "While at Mondor the dark lord was planing to kidnap the princess but not Legolas" no they do not.
Does this person understand that she desecrated the most epic work of fantasy ever written?
No.
Does this person understand that the Dark Lord is a GIANT EYE?
No.
This was an disgustingly ammusing story I've ever read.
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"The purposes of civilization are: a) to prevent chaos, and b) to make cupcakes." - Michael Chen
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IcedT
FFE author <p><br/><img src=http://www.hyperboards.com/images/Star-Blue.gif> Member is offline evil plot bunny
Posts: 603
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Posted: May 5th, 2004 at 05:59 am
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I read that fic in a MST first.. it was fecking hilarious! my sister read it out loud and we couldn't stop laughing! I recommend you read the MST to truly appreciate how horrible it is!
MST of Legolas
and now for the second worst LotR fanfic ever... *drumroll*
I present to you Sary, the thirteen year old with "godly innocence" who shags both Aragorn and Legolas at the same time!
read the MST here:
MST of Sary
it could possibly be even worse (and funnier) than Legolas!
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Blue is not just a colour - it's a lifestyle
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ethereal
Staff: Administrator <p><br /><img src=http://www.hyperboards.com/images/Star-Blue.gif><img src=http://www.hyperboards.com/images/Star-Blue.gif><img src=http://www.hyperboards.com/images/Star-Blue.gif><img src=http://www.hyperboards.com/images/Star-Blue.gif><img src=http://www.hyperboards.com/images/Star-Blue.gif> Member is offline
Posts: 3,747
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Posted: May 5th, 2004 at 09:36 am
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Oh my fricken lord, that is so bloody funny, especially the commentary on Sary. Say what does MST mean?
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pointeboots2000
FFE author/artist <p><br/><img src=http://www.hyperboards.com/images/Star-Blue.gif> Member is offlineYummy!
Posts: 1,349
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Posted: May 5th, 2004 at 08:36 pm
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ive seen 'legolas' all over the place, and the reviews are hilarious. they are the only reason i ever look for bad fics, the reviews rock! i just wish godawful still existed, great site that.
oh, and did you guys know the girl who wrote 'legolas' is supposed to be fifteen? to be honest, aftre seeing her other works, including starship troppers, im not sure if she has a mental disability or not. she might, and since i figured that out ive been feeling kinda bad about bagging the story out. however, its still horrible.
and sary is so much worse than legolas.
(trying to write this hasnt been working, the words are coming out skewed, i think those stories have scarred me.)
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English doesn't borrow from other languages. It follows them down dark alleyways and mugs them for loose grammar.
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Posted: May 6th, 2004 at 12:09 am
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May 5th, 2004 at 09:36 am, ethereal wrote:
Oh my fricken lord, that is so bloody funny, especially the commentary on Sary. Say what does MST mean?
Mystery Science Theater, it was a originally a telivision program thing where they had three people sitting in a theater watching really bad sci-fi movies and commenting on their absurdities.
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"The purposes of civilization are: a) to prevent chaos, and b) to make cupcakes." - Michael Chen
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pointeboots2000
FFE author/artist <p><br/><img src=http://www.hyperboards.com/images/Star-Blue.gif> Member is offlineYummy!
Posts: 1,349
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Posted: May 6th, 2004 at 03:20 am
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oh, i wish id seen that, sounds hilarious.
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English doesn't borrow from other languages. It follows them down dark alleyways and mugs them for loose grammar.
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IcedT
FFE author <p><br/><img src=http://www.hyperboards.com/images/Star-Blue.gif> Member is offlineevil plot bunny
Posts: 603
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Posted: May 6th, 2004 at 04:19 am
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it's actually called Mystery Science Theatre 3000 or MST3K. I've downloaded an episode of it and seriously, you're not missing out on much! It wasn't as funny as it sounded :( Unless I happened to choose a bad episode, ah well...
and I can't believe you guys haven't read any MSTs? call yourself fanfiction readers? HMMPH!
it's basically the same as the tv show, except applied to fanfiction. You insert your own comments between the lines of a crap fic you found, trying to make it funny of course. Usually done through two plus characters who could be personas of yourself, your own made up characters or 'borrowed' from somewhere else.
actually, a lot of MSTs aren't that funny - well the ones I've read haven't been... but the ones I linked here are the ones I've liked best so far :)
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Blue is not just a colour - it's a lifestyle
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Worst fanfic EVER!!!!! - (Read 2,513 Times)
